Chad With A Chance of Pain
by Little Miss Julia Sunshine
Summary: Chad's going through a deep depression, and Sonny finds out. Channy one-shot. Warning: Contains self-harm


**God, I'm rusty at writing these characters. Please, forgive me. **

**Disclaimer: If I said I owned it all, would you even believe me? **

Chad slammed the door to his dressing room, the golden star professing his name rattling at the impact. The few people near enough to witness the outburst shrugged it off as a normal Chad Dylan Cooper tantrum, but it couldn't be further from the truth.

Chad strode purposefully over to the giant mirror on the left side of his dressing room. He stared numbly at the reflective glass, before studying the stranger in front of him. He noted in a detached way that his nostrils were flared and his hands were clenched. There was this uncontrollable anger building in him, and he couldn't understand why.

It had been a pretty normal day for him. He came in and had his normal breakfast, a blueberry muffin and orange juice with exactly three ice cubes. He snuck into the Randoms beloved prop room and lovingly placed a rubber snake in a Miss Sonny Monroe's dressing room. He shot a couple scenes for this weeks Mackenzie Falls episode, when Mackenzie and the whole town were on a vacation to Paris. Then he went to lunch. Everything seemed to go downhill from there. He walked into the cafeteria, only to see a very angry bundle of sunshine holding his rubber snake.

Not wanting to argue, again, he simply turned around and left. With every step he took he got madder and madder. The voices in his head were all talking at once and saying different things. It was making him slightly dizzy.

One voice was reprimanding him, "Why'd you have to go and do that to Sonny? You know you have feelings for her that might not be akin to hatred. Then you have to go and be mean…"

While another was saying, "She deserved it! You did the exact right thing for Mackenzie Falls."

And another yet was simply saying, "Way to act like a fucking Kindergartener with a crush."

Then it started to get even more complicated when the voices started to argue with one another. What was he, fucking _bi-polar? _

He finally got to his dressing room and took his frustration out on his door. By the time he got to the mirror and the strange boys reflection, the sensation of pure hatred had already taken him over. Wave after wave of anger and sadness crashed over him, threatening to drown him.

"I hate you." he heard his voice say sincerely to the reflection.

He sighed and realized he couldn't go through the rest of the day like this. There was always more scenes to be shot, more lines to be memorized. Not to mention an angry Sonny to deal with. No, he had to be level-headed to make it through the day. He couldn't be his cocky self with all this self-hatred tempting him to swallow a bottle of pills and just get it done with.

So he inhaled deeply, then exhaled, almost violently.

"Leave me alone." he whimpered helplessly to the cruel emotions.

The emotions did not listen to his plea, and instead got worse and worse, until he couldn't take it anymore. He sighed, knowing what he would have to do.

He walked calmly over to the small white jewelry box where he kept what he needed, and quickly grabbed it. He then went to his bathroom and got a roll of toilet paper, rubbing alcohol, and an almost used tube of antibiotic cream.

He sat still on his couch and relished the moment of mental stillness, before carefully removing his blazer, rolling up the sleeves of his white button-down, and wiping the flesh underneath down with the alcohol. He winced a few times as it hit prior marks from just days before.

Finally, his arm was clean. He held his most prized possession up to the light and smiled gently as it gleamed. It was a smile he normally reserved for only Sonny, but he was too focused to be disturbed by this thought. He studied his skin for a moment, looking for the perfect place to do his damage. He found it on the untouched flesh just above his elbow.

With a steady hand, he made a nice, long gash. The feeling of calm and relief that rushed over him was almost orgasmic. Then he made another, right next to it, and then another. The blood was beading up at the careful cuts, and then started to spill down his arm.

He sighed contently, finally done with his assault. The release of pressure in his brain was refreshing, and the sting of the cuts didn't bother him anymore. He set his razor lovingly on the side table and started to try and stanch the flow of blood with wadded up toilet paper.

"Chad Dylan Cooper!" he heard a very familiar voice shriek.

He heard the door to his dressing room open and he swiftly pulled his sleeves down and stuffed the blood stained cloth in the nooks of the couch.

"Monroe." he replied rather smoothly considering fear was overwhelming his senses.

Sonny stood with an annoyed expression coloring her face and her arms crossed in a menacing position. Chad fleetingly thought that she looked cute when she was angry.

"Chad I cannot believe you put this snake in my dressing room! Do you have any IDEA how loud Tawni screamed when she saw this-" she was practically screaming.

Chad chuckled.

"It's not funny. I might need an ear drum replacement, and if I need a donor its going to be YOU!" she ranted, clearly meaning every word.

"Funny Sonny. That snake was supposed to be for you. My gift to you." Chad mocked.

"Well next time, make sure it's _my _side you put it on!"

Chad smirked and shrugged.

"But I must say, you are losing your touch, Cooper. Rubber snakes don't scare me." Sonny teased.

"I'll make sure it's a real one next time." he said.

"Fine." Sonny said.

"Fine!"

"Good."

"Goo-"

"Your arm is bleeding." Sonny cut him off with a concerned glance.

Chad looked down and tried to mask his horror at the growing red mark on his white shirt.

"I'll just go…" he said hesitantly, gesturing towards the bathroom.

"Wait." Sonny said, and Chad froze obediently in place, "I'm a good nurse."

Sonny had a small smile as she reached for Chad's arm, which Chad promptly jerked away. Her expression fell.

"That's fine. I wouldn't want to catch any randomness." He said, scrunching his nose in mock disgust and bolting for the bathroom.

"Chad." Sonny said in a small, horrified voice.

"Hm?" he said, still walking towards the bathroom.

"What's that?"

Chad turned around to see Sonny focused on an object on the side table. He walked a little closer, and realized that he forgot his razor blade was out in plain sight. At that moment of recollection, he froze. It was as if he couldn't hear or see anything. All he could think about was that Sonny knew, and would never talk to him again.

"Your not a…you don't…?" Sonny asked, her voice slightly confused.

"Chad?" she asked.

Chad still stayed frozen in place.

"Chad." she said, her voice clearly telling she had figured it out, but didn't want to believe.

She slowly walked towards him, afraid he was going to bolt. But he didn't even blink. She reached him and gently took his bleeding arm in her soft hands. Chad remained in his catatonic state as she rolled up his sleeve as far as the stiff material would allow.

She allowed a soft gasp to escape her lips at the rows and rows of cuts and scars on his arm, all in various states of healing. There wasn't a single inch of his arm left unmarred, and it seemed as if the damage went past what the sleeve would allow to be exposed. She took the other arm and quickly revealed what was a similar situation.

Chad finally moved his head the barest amount so that he could make eye contact with Sonny. What he saw there was far too much sadness for those brown eye meant to carry only happiness.

Sonny desperately needed to see the full extent of his self-harm, and reached for the top button of his shirt without breaking eye contact. She undid every button while keeping eye contact with those once sparkly blue eyes. They both shivered at the intimacy of the moment as Sonny tugged at the shirt to allow it to fall away from his body.

For the first time she looked down to see his naked torso. It had much the same treatment as his arms.

"Oh, Chad." she whispered.

Chad closed his eyes and lowered his head in shame. The marks he had been making on himself for the past two months had been for his eyes and his eyes only. The pain he felt was meant to effect him, and him only. It wasn't supposed to put his Sunshine through so much pain. He bit his lip, desperately trying to stop the tears that wanted to flow.

Sonny gently traced a few scars, noticing as Chad trembled underneath her. At one point she got to a scar that were two letters. S.M. She hoped desperately that it stood for 'Stupid Monkey', but knew it wasn't the case.

"Chad." she whispered again, not knowing exactly why.

She was shocked when a sob escaped his body. His eyes were still closed and head downcast.

"Sh, it's okay." she said, pulling him into a tight hug.

She gently wove her hands through his perfect hair as he cried his heart out on her shoulder, occasionally muttering reassurances. Finally his shaking body had stopped.

"I'm sorry." he said hoarsely, pulling back with a sniffle, "I haven't cried in forever."

"It's okay." she said for the millionth time that day with a sad smile.

They sat in awkward silence for a long moment.

"Why." Sonny asked, and they both knew what she was asking.

"Sonny," he said, "Who do you think I love most in this world?"

"You, of course." she said with a shrug.

Chad sighed.

"And who do you think I hate most in this world?"

"Well…I guess me." she said with a bitter laugh.

"You've got it completely opposite." he whispered.

"Wait…you hate yourself? Why?"

"Sonny, when I look in the mirror, all I see is a conceited, selfish, jerk face. That's not who I want to be."

"But.. you're so self-assured." Sonny said.

"Well, I _am _the best actor of our generation. I must be." he said with a joyless laugh.

"Chad…you are selfish and conceited." Sonny said, then quickly continued at the hurt look on Chads face, "But you are also incredibly sweet, and funny, and good."

Her face and words had complete sincerity.

"Thank you Sonny." Chad said quietly.

"You're welcome."

The silence that followed dragged on for the course of at least five minutes, but it was comfortable. It was Sonny who finally broke it.

"Why did you cut my initials?" she asked, wincing at the word 'cut'.

Chad laughed.

"Well, if none of this," he said, gesturing to his bare torso, "has scared you off. Maybe what I'm about to say wont."

He took Sonny's hand in his own and took a deep breath.

"I love you Sonny Monroe."

She smiled a wide, genuine smile and Chad could have cried with relief. She reached up a gave him a lingering kiss on the mouth.

When they pulled away she said, "I love you too, Chad."

She ran a gently hand down his chest, eyeing it sadly.

"Will you let me help you?" she asked.

Chad thought the offer over, wondering if he was ready to be helped. He tucked a lose strand of Sonnys hair behind her ear before answering.

"If you're willing to help me." he finally answered.

Sonny smiled as she snuggled up against his injured chest.

"It's okay Chad. I won't ever let you go."

And for the first time in what felt like forever, the self-hatred wasn't so bad.

**I'm sure you hated it. It's totally depressing. But review to tell me that! :)**


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